typegemsy

“It’s a team effort, guys!”

Let’s not forget what the real meaning of “wedding” is.

Photo credit: Resonate Photography

It’s love. And not just romantic love, although that’s pretty important too. It’s the love and dedication among your friends and family to get you to your wedding and make it happen. It’s the cooperation between you and your partner to create one of the best days of your lives. We learned some important lessons along the way.

Don’t cry over little things.

Walk away from the argument and return to it later as a discussion.

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of stubbornness and selfishness when planning a wedding. I didn’t think it would happen to us but it certainly did. (We discovered that I liked to micromanage.) I don’t think we fought over anything major but we had some major fights about minor things. My now-husband hates mushrooms while they are one of my favourite foods, so we argued over whether our beef ragu should include mushrooms or not. I cried because I argued so hard for them. I cried over mushrooms. That is wrong. And he was frustrated because he didn’t want anything on the menu that he wouldn’t eat, which meant that I wouldn’t get foods that I wanted. We finally had to just walk away from the menu planning.

And it worked! We returned to menu planning after a few months off and made some rapid-fire decisions about what to include, what not to include, and how we’d deal with it. I got the mushrooms and he got his choice of salads which didn’t include lentils. Done. We couldn’t believe how easy it was just to walk away for awhile and come back with a clear head.

Don’t make ultimatums.

Don’t say things like “We have to have ___” or “I’m not doing this unless ___.” Really? Are you really not going to go through with the wedding unless there are mushrooms on the table? (If the answer is yes, you have bigger problems.) You don’t have to have anything to get married except for an officiant/priest, you and your future spouse, and witnesses. Anything else is just a bonus.

Accept offers of help. Be organized enough to tell people what they can do to help.

Most of our friends and family live out of town, so we didn’t get a lot of physical help until the week before the wedding date. All of a sudden, people and their handy vehicles were pouring into the city, asking what they could help with. Having an idea of what specific people can do ahead of time is very important, because it makes the “getting it done” part more efficient. Otherwise you’ll be faced with five people asking what they can do to help, and you know there’s a master list a mile long but can’t figure out the puzzle of assigning the right tasks to the right people.

Learn how to give up control.

Guess what? Your partner, friends, and family are all capable of making big decisions too. It’s okay to let them make decisions for you, sometimes. You don’t have to have control over everything, because then you will burn out. Let other adults be adults, and know that everyone is emotionally invested in the wedding, just as you are.

Learn how to ask for help and how to say no.

Some people want to help but don’t know what to do or how to pitch in, so they just kind of sit there until they’re told what to do. Tell them what to do. Don’t feel guilty. As well, some people may want to contribute to the wedding in ways that you don’t want. It’s okay to tell them no. If they persist, it’s okay to explain why you don’t want it for your wedding.

Don’t forget why you’re getting married.

When you’re crying over mushrooms, think about why this wedding is happening. It’s because you love your partner, and your partner loves you. You’re in this together, so don’t spend all your time fighting over little things. Your friends and family love you too, and they want to see this happy day through with you.